love lost

If its all connected why am I apart?
Disperate parts seeming whole
to some
I don't see

No other can show me the way
They say
'Experience it, fullness
of life'
Me, who questions his own existence
Tries to prove free will
by irrational action

Do I want stability
a good job
with benefits
money
and...
What do they find, see or seek, there?
(furtively grasping air)
I have to be missing
something
Please
God.
God? or just and empty, sucking
vacuum
swallowing all excesses of thought, reason
no answers
except to reveal multiplicities of uncontemplated, unheard-of
dreampt of variables, knocking down
constraints
infinite possibilities to choose from, but
only one?
Thats all I get in the end?
Better make it good,
or better off saying 'fuck it
all'
Thats right
no love
lost.